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Joke of the Day

"Saw a man at the beach yelling ""HELP! SHARK! HELP!!!"" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him."

"Adblock can't melt Ellen Pao."

"There once was a man named Dave... who found a dead whore in a cave. She was ugly as shit, and missing one tit, but think of the money he'd save."

"When do you use duct tape on a duck? When he's quacked."

"Want to hear a good Nirvana joke? Nevermind."

"These days, satisfying my sex drive is like using Uber. It's a nervous ride with a stranger who expects to be paid after we reach the end."

"What do businessmen and pedophiles have in common? They're both uptight cunts."

"Did you see Matt Damon's character in Invictus? That's apartheid like to play."

"I once went on a date with a playwright It was all going well, until she started making a scene"

"My friend asked me ""what's worse, ignorance or apathy?"" I replied, ""I don't know and I don't care""."