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Joke of the Day

"Hello 911? I was doing that thing where you pretend to walk down stairs behind a couch only it worked. I have no idea where I am. Help me."

"Did you hear that joke Ray Rice made? It has a great punchline."

"WHY DID THE PRISONER TYPE IN ALL UPPERCASE? THEY WERE SENTENCED TO CAPITAL PUNISHMENT."

"For a guy who's obsessed with public safety, I think Batman drives a little too fast sometimes."

"I want to give a shoutout to the sidewalk For keeping me off the street."

"What's the difference between a piano, a tuna, and a pot of glue? You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna."

"What comes out of a reasonable volcano? Pragma."

"Girls are only after me for my money. That is why no girls are after me."

"What did the web designer do when a hot girl walked up to him and squeezed his nuts? He AJAXulated."

"All my dance moves look like i'm trying to tell the guy on first base to steal second.."