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Joke of the Day

"So I've been tossing up between becoming a meteorologist or a scout master. But I don't know weather or knot.."

"At funerals instead of crying, I tie the dead person's shoe laces together. It's not stupid. What if he comes back as a zombie?"

"Q: What kind of witch goes to the beach? A: Sandwitch"

"Why shouldn't you make fun of Donald Trump? You'll hurt his feeling."

"I once ordered a dry martini in Berlin... I once ordered a dry martini in Berlin. They brought me 3."

"Teacher to Student...? Conjugate the verb ""to walk"" in simple present. The student: I walk. You walk .... The teacher intruptes him: Quicker please. The student: I run. You run ..."

"If Killing someone else is homicide... ... and killing yourself is suicide. Then killing your mother-in-law must be pesticide."

"Def Leppard are a bunch of liars. I poured some sugar on a girl one time and it was a complete mess, she was not happy at all."

"women tend to make bad decisions when they're around me... if they chose me instead it would be the best decision of their lives!"

"Q: How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: ""Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"""