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Joke of the Day
"Why shouldn't you make fun of Donald Trump? You'll hurt his feeling."
Next Joke
"Light a man a fire and he'll be warm for the day... Light a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."
"""My phone's about to die."" -Me, 30 seconds into every phone call ...."
"A preschooler refused to sleep during naptime... He was charged with resisting a rest"
"My son has just earned his first boy scout award for 'video gaming'. I guess the next ones will be for 'social ineptitude' & 'pale skin'."
"Being a hypochondriac is going to save my life one of these days"
"What's the best thing about being a jew...... You don't have to smoke weed to get baked."
"Me: What do you want to be when you grow up? 3-year-old: A monster truck. I don't think insurance is going to cover that surgery."
"Big deal, McDonalds. We're all here for a limited time only."
"Friend: ""Dude, me & my girlfriend are getting married."" ME: ""Wow! when?"" Friend: ""Me on 27th April and she on 14th June."""