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Joke of the Day

"At funerals instead of crying, I tie the dead person's shoe laces together. It's not stupid. What if he comes back as a zombie?"

"""Just because you can't dance, doesn't mean you shouldn't dance."" -Alcohol"

"Highways need 4 lanes per side. A racecar wannabe, a normal driver, an old people who drive 30 in a 70 and a where the hell am I lane."

"I was going to tell this gay joke... ...but fuck it..."

"the devil has a tape recorder containing the sounds you made when you sang aloud with a group but didn't actually know the words"

"You ever get so drunk you write your social security number in the tip slot on your bar tab?"

"Yo mama cross-eyed and watches TV in stereo."

"Guys, I don't think we should drink so much yesterday."

"The most embarrassing thing for a kangaroo is accidently hopping into another kangaroo's pouch who then hops into a 3rd kangaroo's pouch"

"Let's all take a minute and be thankful that bugs aren't the same size as us"