110835

Joke of the Day

"As a man in his 70s I still manage to have sex with my wife almost every day... Almost Monday, almost Tuesday...."

"NEW YEAR'S LOGIC 1. The planet is passing through an arbitrary spot on its unceasing orbit around the sun. 2. Time to lay off chocolate."

"HER: You didn't make a reservation? ME: I got this. (to Maitre D') Perhaps *this* will jog your memory? M: A handful of Skittles, sir?"

"I went to the supermarket dressed as a classical composer... Somebody asked me what I was Chopin for."

"[1st date] HER: I love the idea of marriage. What are your thoughts on it? ME: [trying to impress her] I have 6 wives"

"Yes, I love them, Friend: You have sweet shop, don't you feel like eating? Him: Yes, I love them, but dad put all sweet counted, so I taste them and put them back..!!"

"What does my penis have in common with JP Morgan Chase and Bank of America? They are all too Big To Fail."

"What's the difference between being erotic and kinky? Erotic is when you use a feather. Kinky is when you use the whole dam bird!"

"So I went into the kitchen... ...because I could hear "" 1, 2, 3, 4, ..."" coming from the cutlery drawer. Apparently it's the fork that counts."

"This year I'm the Invisible Man for Halloween, according to this bartender that apparently hasn't seen me standing here for an hour"