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Joke of the Day

"Yes, I love them, Friend: You have sweet shop, don't you feel like eating? Him: Yes, I love them, but dad put all sweet counted, so I taste them and put them back..!!"

"*takes a home pregnancy test* *finds out home is pregnant* *calls a carpenter to find out if it's gonna be a shed or a gazebo*"

"Why couldn't the skeleton hurt itself? Because it didn't have the nerves."

"Who came up with hugs? The very first hug must have been really creepy. ""What are you doing? Why are you holding me?"" ""Just trust me."""

"I wonder if Buzz and woody had ever met Andy's mom's toys. They probably have the same names"

"Why didn't Abraham Lincoln go to jail? Because he was in-a-cent!"

"I bet you're the asshole that says ""we"" when talking about your favorite sports team like you're on the actual roster."

"Caller: Operator! Operator! Do you know my boyfriend's line has been busy for an hour? Operator: No but if you hum a few bars I might be able to sing along with you."

"For his birthday the monster asked for a heavy sweater. So they gave him a sumo wrestler!"

"The best thing about owning a Smart Car is when it gets dirty, you can just put it in the dishwasher."