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Joke of the Day

"Helen Keller walks into a bar... And a table. And some chairs."

"This one's a classic from my childhood: Say the letter ""X"" ten times fast. \\_()_/ "

"""This does not bode well."" - a guy at the returns desk, explaining why he's returning a boder."

"[At Neiman Marcus] *looks at sales clerk* *holds up a Prada and a Burberry briefcase* I don't know...which one will hold more chicken nuggets?"

"Did you know John Denver had dandruff? Yeah, after his plane went down they found his Head and Shoulders washed up on a beach."

"What do you call Zombie Japanese Chefs? the Woking Dead"

"Fire alarms are dangerous and should not be in the house. Why? Because when it starts the house is on fire!"

"I know a really good reverend Jim Jones joke. I'd tell it, but the punch line is too long."

"""Good evening, I will be your waiter for tonight. What would you like to Instagram?"" - how waiters should greet people"

"When I have kids I'm going to tearfully serve them scrambled eggs smothered in ketchup & tell them it's Humpty Dumpty."