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Joke of the Day

"[At Neiman Marcus] *looks at sales clerk* *holds up a Prada and a Burberry briefcase* I don't know...which one will hold more chicken nuggets?"

"I believe in God and have a sense of humor about it. But when you insist that makes me an idiot, you sound as tolerant as Mel Gibson."

"A man asks a Canadian woman if she'd like to have sex... ...""Only if you plan to have some yourself."" Ah, Canada. America's [polite] hat."

"Whats the difference between a rooster and a prostitute? A rooster says kok-a-doodle-doo and a prostitute says any-kok'll-do"

"Republican parents have no problem buying toy guns for their kids. Democrats refuse to do so. That is why their kids pretend to shoot each other with dolls."

"What do you call a dog with no legs and balls of steal? Sparkie."

"If a geologist is in deep schist, it probably isn't very gneiss"

"Why don't Chinese people roll 12lb balls down wooden lanes to knock over pins? Because to them it's boring."

"Let me think of a joke... Well, I would've told you a joke about my dick, but it's too long."