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Joke of the Day

"While working at a lab, I accidentally put a q-tip that had been exposed to pulmonary tuberculosis in my mouth I consumed consumption."

"What did Santa get the day after Christmas? Diabetes"

"Don't Be Racist Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!"

"WIFE: Your heavy drinking is making you delusional ME: *turns to friend* Do you think that's true? WOLVERINE: Nah, don't listen to her"

"And God Said to John... ""Come forth and you shall be granted eternal life."" But John came fifth and he won a toaster"

"What do Koreans need when they take out the dog? Oven mitts"

"Did you hear about the guy that didn't pay the midget hooker? It was a low blow."

"2 fish in a tank, one fish looks at the other and say's ""do you know how to drive this thing?"""

"Why does Bob Ross not use a condom? Because he doesn't make mistakes, only happy little accidents."

"[on phone] mom I need u to pick me up from the restaurant right now *whispers* no the date is going terrible, she pronounced it 'pokey-man'"