86915

Joke of the Day

"Why would it suck to be an egg? Because you only get laid once, only get smashed once, and the only chick that sits on your face is your mother"

"Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you. #badpickupline"

"What did Cindarella say when she got to the ball? Gluk gluk gluk (say it out loud)"

"Why are redditors bad stand-up comedians? Because they'll just tell the crowd that the real joke's in the comments."

"I start conversations with my children by saying ""Listen to me,"" to ensure they stop paying attention from the beginning."

"Dont like dogs They can be a bit RUFF!"

"When I die... I want my body to be dressed in a Super Man costume and tossed out of a plane."

"If my girl didn't want me to wear her new Christmas thong, she shouldn't have said she bought it ""for me."" Women are confusing."

"Wish that Facebook had a ""drama of the day"" section to quick reference in my feed."

"I was sad when I learned Steve Irwin died... .. but at least he died the same way he lived: with animals in his heart."