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Joke of the Day

"How much coke can Charlie Sheen do? Enough to kill two and a half men"

"I hate forensic TV shows like CSI. I know for a fact that they are completely unrealistic... I mean come on, women detectives?"

"Here's a tip: When making sad face emoticons, use :( If you use ): that means your mouth fell off and a frisbee is lodged in your forehead"

"What do you call a communist sniper A Marxman"

"Almost half the atheists I know were raised catholic, and I can't help but wonder... Was the sex really that bad?"

"People who think only god can judge them have obviously never hung out with my friends."

"My hair is so long, it started growing it's own hair. Don't take that too seriously, it's metafollicle."

"When I awoke from the accident and they told me my fingers were broken... it was hard to grasp."

"What did the sister cell say to her sister cell when she stepped on her foot? Ow Mytosis! Credits to Amanda Damiani"

"[God & his assistant making giraffes] ASST: Say ""when"" once the neck is long enough, k? *God is on his iPhone not really paying attention*"