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Joke of the Day

"[God & his assistant making giraffes] ASST: Say ""when"" once the neck is long enough, k? *God is on his iPhone not really paying attention*"

"Just got back from my wild New Years Eve outing and shoveled my parents sidewalks. 'Cause that's the way middle-aged white guys roll. Yo."

"How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? trick question: you don't need a light bulb when you have a glass ceiling"

"What did Russians used to light their houses with before candles? Electricity."

"What did the Nutzies say to their leader? ""Heil Dickler"""

"If I'm busy and see an interesting article, I open it in a new tab, read the first paragraph, and later, when I have time, close the tab"

"When I was a kid I was afraid of the dentist... Probable because he was a pedophile. Which begs the question of, how many fillings did he give me?"

"What kind of woman are the most irrational? The ones with the golden proportions!"

"What did Jesus say to Mohammed...? What did Jesus say to Mohammed? 'I died for you' What did Mohammed say in return? 'How many did you take with you?'"

"What's six foot three, black, and won an Independent Spirit Award for Best Male Lead in To Sleep with Anger Danny Glover."