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Joke of the Day

"The only reason your girlfriend likes to suck your cock..... .....is because her parents told her to enjoy the little things in life."

"Things I'm doing today * going to the gym * having sex * lying"

"Worst place to buy condoms? A church. They're holy."

"Really sucks for those addicted to Apple products... ...now there is no *escape*"

"Vagina jokes aren't funny period"

"My girlfriend is getting bored of my obsession with pretending to be a detective, she's suggested we should split up. It's a good idea, we'll cover more ground that way."

"How did Hitler lose weight quickly ? Juice cleanse."

"I taped Scooby Doo at 2am without realizing the commercials would change & now my 5 year old won't stop saying, ""Hot single ladies!""."

"Stop taking my book seriously - God"

"People who believe in aliens are such freaking idiots. I'll tweet more about it when I get back from my Bigfoot hunt tonight."