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Joke of the Day

"Baby you must be a vector image... Cause no matter how close I look you're still perfect."

"Contrary to popular belief, Plumbers are not good lovers They are emotionally draining..."

"If you go into a bar by yourself and ask for a water the bartender looks at you like you have leprosy."

"I like my women like I like my Isis victims. Topless. Remember, this is just a joke, so don't be offended. It's nothing to lose your head over."

"What has five arms, three legs and a head? The finish line at the Boston Marathon"

"My teenage daughter is TRYING to say, ""I miss you dad, please take me fishing."" But it keeps coming out like, ""Hey, can I have $20 dollars."""

"You know what grinds a Germans gear? Nothing, they are too well engineered. Edit: Spelling"

"The speed at which I can prepare food during a commercial break is amazing"

"I don't know why I broke up with the gym... ..I guess we just weren't working out."

"The only ones awake 3am are the lonely & the loved. And also the sick who have to take antibiotics & pain killers."