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Joke of the Day

"Today, I'm happy to say I am 12 years sober! Unfortunately it was only the first 12 years of my life and I've been drunk ever since."

"Coworker: My arms are killing me from hoeing in my garden this weekend. Me: Thanks but I'd rather not hear about your sex life."

"You guys got any good old jokes (example inside) Example: Did you go to school by horse? I like to mess with my tennis teacher, he is over 50 and he gives it right back to me by how bad i play."

"Honey, let's make this cactUS a cacti. What I'm saying is I want a divorce, and I'm taking the cactus with me."

"What music do dyslexic programmers listen to? Run/CMD"

"No matter how many times I see it, I never tire of an Italian woman yelling at a guy named Anthony in public."

"Who's concerts cost only 45 cents to attend? 50 Cent ft. Nickelback"

"Where did the drug addict keep his food and dishes? The potry"

"I fell in the mud. And took a shower right after!"

"When life gives you Marmaduke... make marmalade."