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Joke of the Day

"Today, I'm happy to say I am 12 years sober! Unfortunately it was only the first 12 years of my life and I've been drunk ever since."

"roses are red... Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have alzheimers, cheese on toast."

"Do you know what really burns my ass? A flame about 3 feet high."

"The whole thing about ""we're all going to die some day,"" that's a joke, right?"

"What do you call a bike in NYC that has been standing out in the sun for hours? Tire-less"

"Fox News has determined the cause of the recent plane crash. It was the left wing."

"Knock! Knock....."

"Why are there so few female politicians? It's hard to put makeup on two faces."

"Me, as a judge: OK we'll take a quick recess now. *lawyers start discussing lawyer things* *I go outside and swing on the swingset*"

"Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback!!"