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Joke of the Day

"Honey, let's make this cactUS a cacti. What I'm saying is I want a divorce, and I'm taking the cactus with me."

"Did you hear the one about the sprinkler that tried to spray a man in the eye? It completely mist!"

"What sock do you put on last? The one that's left."

"My cum smells like bleach Too bad it didn't kill my ex."

"If you ever get attacked by a shark, don't forget to take a moment and appreciate the statistical improbability of it all."

"Is there a difference between our farts? Your gas is as good as mine :\"

"Drake Lyrics I was running and I stubbed my fuckin toe, you know how that shit go, I went down to the floor"

"What do you call the crazy people who always hang out with musicians? Bass players"

"A time traveler walks into a bar. The bartender says, ""We don't serve time travelers in here."" A time traveler walks into a bar."

"My daughter wanted me to treat her like a princess So I let her get stolen by a giant, mutant turtle."