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Joke of the Day

"Policeman: How can you drive so recklessly? Driver: I have to this is a getaway car."

"Did you hear about the murder of the cartoon artist? The details are sketchy."

"What never eats at thanks giving? A turkey. Because it's always stuffed."

"I heard that San Francisco had to change their team name to the 29ers this year... because 20 of them left in the offseason."

"In olden times it is reported that sacrifices were made at the altar. Since then weddings have been held there and times haven't changed at all!"

"[having sex] Her: HARDER! ME: Divide 110 into two parts so that one will be 150% of the other. What are the 2 numbers? Her: 44&66 HARDER!"

"I just saw a guy with a hook hand and a ponytail. Dude, you cut off the wrong thing."

"Why did the jellyroll? He saw the apple turnover."

"Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make Then they call me ugly and poor"

"American Ninja Warrior is a bunch of people who took ""the floor is lava"" game way to seriously as kids."