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Joke of the Day

"I heard that San Francisco had to change their team name to the 29ers this year... because 20 of them left in the offseason."

"I'm going to just start biting the faces of people that stand too close during a conversation."

"""I thought I was happy, but then you revved your engine so loudly and I realised YOU are what's been missing from my life"" - No girl, ever."

"Everybody is tweeting ""OMG I CANT BELIEVE ITS MARCH"", I'm like tf' you you think came after February ? February Jr.?"

"Your boss will respect you more if you sometimes disagree, especially if you touch their face and say ""You silly goose."""

"How many Apple workers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One to over hype the new lightbulb and one to make sure it breaks within a year."

"Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday? Because people kept toasting him!"

"Either my cat is speaking English or that was not a vitamin I took...."

"I just got an iPhone 7S for my wife I thought that was a good trade"

"How do you tell the difference between an introvert or extrovert software engineer? The extrovert looks at your feet when talking."