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Joke of the Day

"I just saw a guy with a hook hand and a ponytail. Dude, you cut off the wrong thing."

"Don't stay inside and get depressed about the news. Go outside and get skin cancer!"

"How to make a Disney Pixar film: 1. Take something that doesn't talk 2. Make it talk"

"Why did the rabbit have trouble hopping? Because he always kept one foot in his pocket for good luck!"

"I guess it was George Michaels...... Last Christmas."

"If getting proper sleep the night before was a necessity for writing an exam, then I'd fail every single time."

"Q: How many Chinese Red Guards does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 10000 - to give the bulb a cultural revolution."

"An employee saw his boss fucking a girl inside a car. Employee: ""Nice boss, you enjoying alone, when will it be my turn?"" Boss: ""After the girl"""

"SURGEON (who is an octopus): scalpel NURSE: [sweating trying to figure out what arm to hand it to] yup one second"

"I bought a girl a drink at the bar. It hurt to see her give it to her boyfriend. But it was hilarious to see him drink the roofie."