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Joke of the Day

"Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make Then they call me ugly and poor"

"I have just been kidnapped by a fat dude in a red suit, shoved in a bag and taken to the north pole and wrapped up. Who put me on their Christmas list?"

"Why do men get erections while they sleep? So they don't accidentally roll out of bed."

"What did the french fry say to the police officer? Help me! I've been a-salted!"

"I'm a pretty neutral guy. I find it hard to choose sides. I mean, I have an uncle who drives a truck for Pepsi and a cousin who sucks dick for coke."

"So I just got kicked out of the house... All I did was sleep with my stepdad's wife."

"What do you call a computer that sings? A Dell!"

"Think of a movie title and change one of the words in said movie title to 'slut' e.g. Lord of the rings the return of the slut."

"The grim reaper attends a funeral early in the day... as he gets there, he says, ""Good mourning, everyone"" Ill see myself out.."

"Morgan Freeman is in so many movies, I bet he just wanders onto film sets and says,""I'm in this now."""