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Joke of the Day

"Just introduced my teen daughter to Monty Python, thus completing my duties as a father. I will now retire to Florida and await grandkids."

"Why did the coke dealer retire? He was tired of putting his business in other peoples' noses"

"How do you get 30 drunk Canadians out of the pool? ""Please get out of the pool."""

"How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Just follow the Fresh Prints"

"What did the fish say when it hit the wall? ""Dam."""

"Sorry I can't date you because I'm seeing anybody else."

"What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, she's already been told twice. (Sorry for old joke)"

"What do you get when you cross and elephant and a rhino? 'elephino.."

"""STOP IT STOP IT. CUT. THIS IS ALL WRONG"" I scream at my cats dressed like vampires. ""This is NOTHING like Twilight!!"""

"Why did the mean and mode laugh together? Because they had a co-median between them."