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Joke of the Day

"Internet, my Dad's running the London Marathon tomorrow. Oh, he already told you. Of course he did."

"What did the Jewish pedophile say to the boy? Hey kid, you want to buy some candy?"

"My healthcare policy basically only covers taking off my shoe to twist my sock around a little bit so the seam isn't right under my toe"

"What was the name of the gay porno staring Macaulay Culkin where he became a prostitute in an attempt to pay his mortgage? Homo-loan"

"Could someone help me decide what's more two faced... Hillary Clinton or the coin"

" ! #16 UgarUp 2015 2015 ..."

"Q. Why was the blonde in the tree? A. Because she was raking up the leaves!"

"What's the best about dead childrens jokes? They never get old."

"Where does big-foot keep his genitals? In his sascrotch!"

"[teenage girl reading horoscope tweets] ""Gemini's go to sleep when they are tired"" HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO ME"