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Joke of the Day

"My healthcare policy basically only covers taking off my shoe to twist my sock around a little bit so the seam isn't right under my toe"

"""Seek immediate medical help if you experience a resurrection lasting more than 2000 years."""

"Gf: come over Me: can't, playing the new call of duty Gf: my parents are out of town Me: you're 30 years old, grow up"

"Did you hear about the skeleton that couldn't go to the party? He had no body to go with!"

"[Blazing hot day] Don't forget to take a jacket, it might get cold. ~ My mom."

"What do you call a movie about artificial orange juice? Pulp Fiction"

"why did princess Diana cross the road? she wasnt wearing her seatbelt...."

"Scientists discovered that gayness goes back to the Jurrassic Period, there were even gay dinosaurs.... the gay male dinosaur was the Humpasauras and the gay female dinosaur was the Lickalottapus"

"What do a priest and a swimmer who came in second have in common? The both came in a little behind"

"""I deleted that tweet because I've really grown as a writer in the past 7 minutes and it's just not up to my current standards"""