10834

Joke of the Day

"Doctor: Your baby is 7 pounds! Me: So that's like, what, three dollars?"

"Let's hope the zombie apocalypse doesn't start in Kenya because there is no way any of us can outrun those fuckers."

"What do you call it when you wake up with a boner and wait till you go limp to urinate? Atro-Pee"

"""People want to drink a panic attack."" -- inventor of 5 Hour Energy"

"Women shouldn't work outside the home. It's STEVE Jobs, not EVE Jobs."

"I used to have a bird called ""Stockholm syndrome"" who lived on my shoulder. I used to hate the bastard, but in the end, he grew on me."

"If you mention ""leg day"" on a first date we will not be going on a second date"

"The new pope sure lives up to his religion. His roamin around all over the place!"

"Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? A: 45 lbs. Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? A: 45 minutes."

"How do you keep a blonde busy? Write ""Please turn over"" on both sides of a page and hand it to her."