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Joke of the Day
"""People want to drink a panic attack."" -- inventor of 5 Hour Energy"
Next Joke
"Two fish are in a tank One of them says ""Hey, do you know how to drive this thing?"""
"If a woman is born in Italy grows up in England goes to America and dies in Baltimore what is she? Dead."
"I know lawyers aren't people. They stand in court all day and say ""I object"""
"I've started calling my girlfriend names like Custard, Ice cream, Pudding, Chocolate cake, or Apple pie. I'm planning to desert her."
"When's the worst time to eat candy? When she's on her period."
"Why was the Adobe Acrobat document arrested? It was a PDF file."
"Beautiful women following me on Twitter is screwing up my perception of who will talk to me in RL. A trip to Walmart should fix that."
"A tombstone that has a scrolling LED marquee of your greatest tweets."
"So cats CAN'T fend for themselves for 4 weeks after all. Even though I left mini frozen pizzas, cash for emergencies and my mobile number."