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Joke of the Day

"Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? A: 45 lbs. Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? A: 45 minutes."

"Hillary's So Crooked.... Hillary's So Crooked She Needs A Kaine!"

"I told my wife to embrace her mistakes. She cried & then she hugged me."

"Last night I thought I heard the spring onions singing Bee Gees songs in my fridge. When I opened the door I realised it was just the chives talking."

"You inner anus is so big that when you skydive it acts as a parachute."

"A really hot girl asked me for my number today and all I had to do was hit her car with my car."

"I lie in the bath for hours. But I try to tell the truth the rest of the time."

"Despite what everyone says, I don't think your mom is a ""dirty pirate whore"". She's actually quite clean for a pirate whore."

"The opposite of a nightmare is a morningstallion."

"Did you hear about the writer who brought peace to the Middle East? He had a way with Kurds."