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Joke of the Day

"If shes's being being anal about it Give her sex and you'll make her whole day, Give her anal sex and you'll make her hole weak"

"From a Friend's 10-Year-Old Daughter Why did Adelle cross the road? To say hello from the other side!"

"I used to speak in Fleetwood Mac quotes, but I stopped... ...and I'm never going back again."

"Where was the toothbrush invented? Alabama. Anywhere else it would have been called a *teeth*brush"

"What's worse than lobsters on your piano? Syphilis"

"My Chinese friend died last night So Yung"

"'Sorry officer but how was I to know that weird noise my car was making was a bicycle stuck in my mudflap?'"

"Someone who blocked me on Twitter just added me on Instagram. If you can't love me at my bad jokes, you don't deserve me at my cat photos."

"Oscar Wilde: Always be yourself. Everyone else is already taken. Liam Neeson: I will find them. Wilde: Wait, I meant- Neeson: EVERYONE"

"Well, it's ""Fat Tuesday."" But for a lot of America that just means ""Tuesday."""