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Joke of the Day

"Someone who blocked me on Twitter just added me on Instagram. If you can't love me at my bad jokes, you don't deserve me at my cat photos."

"Cardinal: Ordinations are down Pope: Maybe a recruiting poster? C: Slogan? P: ""We separate the men from the boys!"" C: Um... Any other ideas?"

"When you say the word poop, your mouth does the same motion as your butt hole. Same can be said for the phrase ""explosive diarrhea""."

"My son- Can I have ice cream? Me- No, it's breakfast Him-The dog just pooped in the living room Me-Clean it up & you can have some ice cream"

"Every mile you jog adds 1 minute to your life, so when you're 85 you can spend an extra 5 months in a nursing home at $8,000 per month."

"My niece guessed the capital of Montana is Hannah, and I had to give it to her because as far as I know that's correct"

"I still wake up hoping that class is cancelled."

"They should make it slightly less easy to ruin everything."

"What's the best thing about screwing twenty one year olds? There are twenty of them."

"two Odessa women fall out with each other: - Oh, you old whore! - Sarah! I do not understand, what's age got to do with It ?!"