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Joke of the Day

"Mickey asks Minnie for divorce Minnie: Are you fucking crazy!? Mickey: No, i'm fucking Daisy."

"What do you call an international criminal waffle that you dropped at the beach? Carmen Sandy Eggo"

"Quite the conundrum for us ass men... We cannot lie, but we must never trust a big butt and a smile. I'll see myself out now."

"Absolutely is my favourite nothing to do..."

"Not wearing condoms because the world needs more people like you."

"This is the first Super Bowl party I've been to where there are babies. Not sure what to do. Do I, like, offer them a beer or something?"

"Used lettuce for my burger bun tonight. I've never been more prepared to become your most hated Facebook friend."

"[on a plane] Stewardess: ""Would you like a mint? It'll help your ears during takeoff"" Me: ""Sure, can I have two?"" *puts one in each ear*"

"A shipment of wigs has been stolen Police are combing the area"

"Dear boyfriend, i can make ur girlfriend scream louder than u can. Sincerely, spiders"