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Joke of the Day

"Telepathy ""Huh?"" Telepathy ""Ok...let's move on. What"" Telepathy ""Please stop interrupting! What are your strengths?"" *rolls eyes* Telepathy"

"What is the opposite of Christopher Reeves? Christopher Walken"

"Today I wanted to make a broken pencil pun But there's no point."

"My lasagna just took a picture of me and posted it on Instagram"

"The hardest part about having an ugly child is lying to them when they ask you if you love them."

"pregnancy tests should just read ""pregnant"" or ""nope just fat"""

"[asking a girl out] ME: So do you have a dog? HER: Yes, I do. She's very playful. ME: *nervously* Do you know if she's busy later?"

"I burned my hand on the stove. On the bright side, now I have a black girlfriend."

"I have a love hate relationship... Fuck everyone else."

"Who died and made you king? Oh the king before you died. Well that makes sen- Oh he was your father. Well then I'm very sorry for your loss."