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Joke of the Day

"I'm going to start a 70's tribute band with some guys from the office. .. It's gonna be called watercooler and the gang."

"I've been hearing noises in the house for a while now and while Twitter was down last night I discovered I have a wife!"

"Pizza Hut Employee: I'm sorry but we don't deliver bog grass. I'm not even sure what that is. Moose: [incoherent bellowing]"

"If I hear another conversation about that stupid dress... I'm going to beat them until they're white and gold."

"What's the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew a light bulb!"

"My superpower is to cross the road safely and get hit by a parked car."

"Accidents Happen Kids in the backseat cause accidents. Accidents in the backseat cause kids!"

"Studies have shown that smokers are 97% more likely than non-smokers... to walk out on their families."

"If he pauses a video game to text you, he's probably already losing, no need to feel special or anything,"

"It's really cute how my 16 slams her bedroom door, in the house that I pay for, every time she gets pissed off. So...I took away the door"