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Joke of the Day

"Studies have shown that smokers are 97% more likely than non-smokers... to walk out on their families."

"Q. How did Adam and Eve feel when expelled from the Garden of Eden? A. They were really put out."

"Did you hear Jared Fogle got sentenced to 15.5 years in prison today? Under 16, that is a big win for him. &nbsp; Credit to /u/RandomExcess"

"COP: don't worry sir, we'll find your kids as soon as we can. ME: no hurry."

"How do you feel when there is no coffee? Depresso."

"How did Hitler check the price of his clothes? He looked at the Reichstag."

"Trump's what you'd get if you poured a pot of glue, some glitter & a dog turd into your Build Your Own Hitler Kit and gave it a good shake."

"Her: What's your biggest weakness? Me: My honesty. Her: I don't think that's a weakness. Me: I don't give a fcuk what you think."

"I won't slam on my brakes if someone's tailgating me...I will, however, take my foot off the accelerator and slowly come to a stop."

"Knock knock, who's there? ""Star wars episode IV a new"" ""Star wars episode IV a new who?"" ""Star wars episode IV a new whope"" So bad that it's good?"