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Joke of the Day

"Can't wait for the next Jason Bourne movie. I heard he becomes a Christian and starts a church for ex-treadstone agents... It's called Bourne Again"

"I didn't realize how parenting had changed me until I was walking by my 7yo with an ice cream sandwich down my pants so he wouldn't see it"

"yeah i got a gym membership. its called life. watch me lift this big ass rock. now im gonna do 20 reps of pretending im a beautiful bird"

"What do you call it when an amputee does Karate? Partial Arts! :)"

"What's the difference between Donald Trump and Adolf Hitler? A mustache"

"What comes out my ass and smells like shit? The jokes on this subreddit"

"(Art Museum) Me:*sees nature painting* *pulls out sharpie* *draws sun in the top left corner* My 5th Grade Art Teacher: *thumbs up* nice"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Annabel ! Annabel who ? Annabel would be useful on this door !"

"Good friends are like bottles of sweet wine .. that's why I keep mine locked in the cellar."

"There are three rings that come with every marriage... First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, and lastly the suffering."