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Joke of the Day

"I didn't realize how parenting had changed me until I was walking by my 7yo with an ice cream sandwich down my pants so he wouldn't see it"

"If you encounter a bear in the wilderness, sing a Coldplay song. You'll die, but the bear will suffer too."

"There are many fish in the sea. So while waiting I'll just play with my rod."

"PATIENT: Someone gave me pills at a party and my stomach hurts DR: We took x-rays. You have spongy dinosaurs expanding inside you right now"

"What's the difference between USB and USA? One connects to all your devices and access your data, one connects to all your devices and access your data."

"What did my step-dad say before bludgeoning by brother to death with a vacuum cleaner? Dyson."

"What do you call a Canadian rap group? Poutine Clan"

"Don't call Donald Trump a cunt. He lacks the warmth and depth."

"What did the pirate say when he saw his kid lighting the ship on fire? Arrr son!"

"Thats is how i outsmart him :P My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face."