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Joke of the Day

"An English Girl.. WIFE: ""I'm going to LONDON. What gift do you want?"" HUSBAND: ""An English girl."" After a month, wife returns.. HUSBAND: ""Where is my gift?"" WIFE: ""Wait for nine months!"""

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Junkie Barbie ...complete with needle tracks"

"What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? Honey I'll be home in 20 minutes."

"A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: ''I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.''"

"I don't care if you stop reading after 80 characters. I'm using all 140, even if what I say makes no sense at all. Oh also, your mom's a who"

"What do you do with a dead chemist? Barium"

"What is the similarity between tight rope walking and an old lady giving you head? You don't want to look down."

"If you were born in September... Then, you can be sure that your parents started the New Year, with a bang."

"When you get a 3D printer, don't mess around. Go straight to printing money."

"You know those giant sunflowers? The really tall ones? With the big, brown center? I killed my grandparents. And the yellow petals?"