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Joke of the Day

"If you think I'm an alcoholic... If you think **I'm** an alcoholic, you should see this guy Jesus he got hammered in my church once."

"Facepalm? Is that FaceTime for blind people?"

"I like the NSA They're the only government agency that listens"

"If I had a time machine I would go back to certain conversations with my wife to see if she really said the things she's told me I forgot..."

"The 30-second elevator ride without cell service or Wi-Fi is by far the most terrifying part of my day."

"Don't worry if you missed 4/20 Because today is 4/20 too!"

"I a tendency to skip words."

"Hey hedgehogs, how about leaving some hedges for the rest of us?"

"Why did the lion eat the tightrope walker? He wanted a well balanced meal."

"I think I have a sleeping disorder. It's called children"