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Joke of the Day

"The irony of my developing severely crippling stomach cramps minutes after reading a cheesy old love story isn't lost on me. *faints*"

"*jumping on a trampoline* What do you mean you want full custody?"

"I accidentally sent my essay to a 3D printer It came out as a pile of shit."

"Why couldn't the troll catch any fish? Because other people took the bait."

"I'm out of coffee until tomorrow, but I just saw three squirrels doing it together so I guess my Monday's balancing out pretty well."

"Confucius say... Man who walks everyday barefoot will have a tough sole"

"My boyfriend doesn't believe in labels, which is probably why he drank all that bleach"

"Q: Why do elephants have big flat feet? A: To stomp out burning ducks."

"Research has shown that men think about sex every 15 sex."

"I feel like I'm not giving my followers enough in my tweets. Would you be interested in stock tips or free shampoo samples?"