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Joke of the Day

"Obama's reaction to NSA scandal ""This technology means spies will never have to use windows ever again."""

"""Your present is too big and weirdly shaped to wrap. Oh! What if I buried it in the yard?!"" -me, genuinely, earlier today. Wife said no."

"Q: What is the difference between a lawnmower and a soprano sax? A: You can tune the lawnmower and the owner's neighbors don't mind if you don't return the sax when you borrow it."

"a PS4 and XBOX One get shot the ambulance comes WII U WII U WII U"

"What did the pavement smoother say after he lost his hands? ""I literally can't even."""

"I think my 2 year old wants to move to Iowa. She points to everything and says ""Des Moines."""

"No wonder Satan hates humanity... We draw him as the ugliest goat alive"

"Overweight people know they're overweight, tall people know they're tall, why is it that stupid people don't know what they are?"

"My cat just walked by me carrying a toy mouse I don't remember buying her. Women be shoppin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Sex positions for tiny dicks Fuck, this isn't google. **How do I get this off of here?**"