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Joke of the Day

"9: ""Mom, that's a pretty necklace. Can I have it?"" Me: ""No, I got it as a gift."" 9: ""Well, can I have it when you die, then?"""

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Banzai Barbie ...a small tree cut into a shape that vaguely resembles Barbie"

"Why did all the girls fall in love with the leafy green-blood-sucking-parasite that was full of vitamins? Because he was romaine-tick."

"Condom Why did the condom fly across the room? Because he was pissed off"

"Why is it called the 18th hole and not the final fore"

"Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are on a plane and it crashes on an island. Who survives? America."

"How did Harry Potter get down the hill...? Walking... Jk Rowling."

"Two blondes walk into a building... Youd figure one of them would have noticed it."

"In Soviet Russia Assholes are like Opinions KGB only lets you keep one of them"

"When I was young, at bedtimes... My mum used to tell me fairy stories with a happy ending. Just one of the benefits of having a masseuse as a parent I guess."