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Joke of the Day

"What'd the Mexican say when he was upset? I don't want to taco bout it."

"Google. Filling the gaps in public education."

"What did the first ape that could walk say to all the other apes? I'm walkin' here!"

"But laughing at you Roses are red. Your blood is too. You look like a monkey And belong in a zoo. Do not worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, But laughing at you."

"Q: What's a little quicker than a shark? A: The Little Mermaid on her period."

"I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl one one hand. It's zero, because I've never been to Chernobyl."

"Bernie Sanders to cut the BS Now wants to be called Ernie Anders"

"*puts hand on your knee *slowly moves up your thigh *runs over your hip *drags finger up your stomach *grabs remote *changes channel"

"Why did the Afgahni get burnt lips? Because he tried to blow up a bus."

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my dad. Not screaming in terror, like his passengers."