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Joke of the Day

"Someone asked me, ""How can you celebrate Christmas if you don't believe in God?"" I responded with, ""How can you celebrate Valentine's Day if nobody loves you?"""

"Why are black people so fast? Because all the slow ones are in prison"

"I hate when people put the beginning of the joke a second time"

"Pupil (on phone) : My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today. School Secretary: Who is this? Pupil: This is my father speaking!"

"I got asked out by 12 girls out of the women's bathroom"

"[Opens hand sanitiser] SUbmiT YoUr SOuL tO EternAL HeLL fiRe [closes lid] wtf? [looks at label] LINDA YOU BOUGHT HAND SATANISER AGAIN"

"The grass is always greener, but usually because it's synthetic AstroTurf."

"Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris."

"Dark and or Offensive :] I don't know where I stand on abortion. I like killing babies, but I don't like giving women a choice."

"Wife Wanted A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds ""Wife Wanted"". The next day, he received hundreds of replies, all reading: ""You can have mine"