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Joke of the Day

"The grass is always greener, but usually because it's synthetic AstroTurf."

"[Obamacare Meeting] *Biden raises hand* *Obama sighs* Yes Joe? Will the doctor still have lollipops? Sure. *Entire Congress sighs w/ relief*"

"Walking a straight line and tweeting is hard enough without this asshole shining a flashlight in my eyes."

"Good dancer Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things. Boy: What are the two things? Girl: Your feet."

"extreme jesus died on the motocross"

"Who put semen in the basement? I don't know. That's just the way it's spelled."

"I've thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year's resolution...."

"Why did Sally fall off the swings? She didn't have any arms. Knock knock. (Who's There) Not Sally"

"Pokemon GO servers are like my life right now. Up and down and disappointing anyone who knows what it is."

"Sugar is the only word in English language in which ""Su"" is pronounced as ""Shu"". I am pretty sure about it."