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Joke of the Day

"How do people not know how to say their ABC's backwards. It's 3 fucking letters."

"I avoid cheating on my spouse by not getting married."

"If someone won't lift a finger to call you, see you or spend time with you then it's time for you to lift five fingers and wave goodbye."

"Accordion to a recent survey, most people don't notice when a musical instrument is inserted into a sentence."

"Due to recent cutbacks the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off."

"How many governments does it take to make an Egyptian happy? I'll let you know when I find out..."

"I think the doctors told me my blood type was A... but I'm not positive."

"Why was the nun hooked up to an IV of holy water? She was taking god's name in vein."

"Spent all day at Legoland with my son during Star Wars weekend. Gushed like a fangirl when I met Darth Vader. He's my Justin Bieber"

"I try to avoid nice people so they can stay that way."