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Joke of the Day

"Stolen Gate The other day, I looked out my window to see two guys stealing my side gate! I didn't say anything to them though. I didn't want them to take offence."

"A show about a vampire glee club's exploits in 1960's New York. You're welcome, Hollywood."

"What did the person say when a flood struck his house? Damn it!"

"Steven Gerrard obviously believes his best chance of winning the Premier League is to join the MLS and then hope that Man City try to sign him."

"Why did the plumber kill himself? He was sewericidal."

"My sex life is so bad... My wife and I 96."

"If I could, I'd wear plaid every day. But I feel as though doing that would cross several lines."

"Why I will never go bungee jumping... I was brought into this world through a broken rubber and I'm not about to be taken out by one."

"What does a Muslim man call a girl he is living in sin with? Haram bea"

"#1 Handjob Tip for Women: Use your mouth."