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Joke of the Day

"No YOU sober up, lamp."

"Policeman:""Sir, we have sufficient evidence to believe that this vehicle has been stolen. Me: how Policeman: Step out of the tank Sir"

"I bet phone booths are disappearing because they don't want us escaping the Matrix."

"Do you know any sodium jokes? Na."

"Everything happens for a reason. But, sometimes the reason is that you're stupid and you make bad decisions."

"A man discovered a new medication that makes people sneeze constantly. What did he tell people in order to make them avoid taking it? Eschew! Eschew!"

"What is Hilary Clintons favorite part about going to the beach? Her Flip-Flops."

"[Bank] COP: [through megaphone] LET ONE OF THE HOSTAGES GO ROBBER: Okay, who wants out? ME: [spinning on bosses chair] I'm comfortable."

"If I had a dollar for every time I ever thought of you, I'd probably start thinking about you."

"Why don't you .... A husband asks his wife after sex ""Honey why don't you ever tell me when you are having an orgasm?"" She replies ""Well I would Dear but you are never home."""