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Joke of the Day

"I was eating BBQ ribs and my waitress asked me if I wanted a wet nap... ...I told her it wasn't necessary because I had one earlier today."

"*desperately tries to get screaming newborn daughter latched onto my nipple* hmmmm. she must not realize I'm a feminist"

"""Yeah, you're right, this shit is really hard. You wanna go get a milkshake or something?""-me as a personal trainer"

"What is your favorite Chuck Norris joke? My Favorite, When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris."

"*lady shares a wallet photo of her son* *i pull out a 20-part accordion wallet photo set of my dogs*"

"WHAT DO WE WANT? The ability to ask different questions WHAT DO WE WANT? See this is what we were talking about"

"Who the hell invented Bull Riding? ""Hey, I'm gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal...Time me!!!"""

"I went to the butchers and asked if he had a lambs head No he replied, it's just how I come my hair."

"It's like Nabisco doesn't even care their Birthday Cake Oreos will wreck my ass."

"Out of 11, how bad is your OCD?"