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Joke of the Day

"Why don't women get hit by trains? There is no railroad tracks between the living room and the kitchen."

"MURDERER: could a murderer do THIS? *defendant proceeds to not kill anyone* JUDGE: he's got a point"

"What do vegan zombies eat? GRAAAAINS"

"There are 3 types of students in my school. Those that are good at maths and those that are bad."

"New York City is the only place where sound travels faster than light. I always hear the horn before the light turns green."

"My mom always told me to treat people how I want to be treated but... It's not nice to just spank people & pull their hair."

"How do you fit 4 gay men on one bar stool? Turn it upside down."

"Today I swallowed two pieces of string... Later they came out tied together, I shit you knot."

"Wife: Who is it? Me [hand over phone]: The police, they say it's now illegal to fake throw a ball Dog in other room: [hangs up his phone]"

"Daylight Saving Time switches on November 6. That's right, this presidential campaign is an hour longer than you thought."