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Joke of the Day

"PUTIN: If your American lover is in this room I'll kill him ELENA: He's not! PUTIN: (softly) u...s... [bursting from closet] A! USA! USA!"

"If there's a zombie apocalypse, I'm becoming a zombie. Walking around doing nothing & eating non-stop seems like a pretty sweet deal to me."

"What do you call 100 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A great start"

"How dumb do you have to be to fly right into my fucking face? This is why we shouldn't allow bees to text."

"Why is a burning candle like being thirsty ? Beacause a little water ends both of them !"

"I got pulled over the other day... ..I was pretty scared so I just hung my arm out the window to let him know im not black"

"Pink Floyd is opening a gay bathhouse that focuses on glory holes They're gonna call it ""Another Prick in the Wall."""

"I fan speak a little French I'd like to bon appetit (bone a petite) Edit: can not fan"

"Did you hear about the Pharaoh getting kicked out of the Grammy's? I guess that's what happens when you toot on Common."

"What do you call a gay chemist? Homogeneous."