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Joke of the Day

"[Ghost describing stalker to sketch artist] ""He was a yellow circle with a demonic mouth."" *holds up drawing of Pac-Man* *sobs* THAT'S HIM!"

"I got a good piece of advice for picking up girls Just keep your back straight and lift with your legs."

"request for a new client, your honor, i think this one's guilty"

"I got an escort for my grandpa's 100th birthday. She said that she would give him super sex. He said ""I'll take the soup."""

"[almost at the moon] Buzz: *explosive diarrhea* DID YOU PUT SOMETHING IN THE TANG, ARMSTRONG? Neil: *steals speech out of his pocket* nope"

"What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have Bird Flu, you need tweetment. If you have Swine Flu, you need oink-ment."

"(From my 7 year old) Why should you never give Queen Elsa a balloon? Because she'll just let it go."

"Where does beef come from? Cowschwitz."

"What do you call a French guy wearing sandals? Phillipe Phillope"

"Why didn't Edward leave Russia? Cause he was snowden."